Yet another Women’s Day

Social media platforms were flooding the other day with “Happy Women’s day” messages and kitty party pictures. Every year this day comes and makes me wonder whether it is a true celebration or just a mockery. Especially when it comes to a patriarchal society that India is.

We celebrate socioeconomic, cultural, and political achievements of women on International Women’s Day. We try to raise awareness on gender equality and inclusion. But why exactly is gender equality essential for a sustainable future? Half of the world’s population is female; still, gender disparity is a huge concern in the modern world. Despite feminist movements, government measures, and people’s movements to promote gender equality, it is still a long road ahead.

In case of India the misogyny is deeply rooted. On top of it older generations of women don’t realize the true meaning of being oppressed. Even today a working woman is expected to cook, clean, have kids and still be driven for career and this is considered “an open mindset” in a middle class society. However when it comes to a man who is working, he can only do his job and it is not expected from him that he would do household work.

I feel that the culture we grow in and follow has a huge impact on what we are. But isn’t it the case that we can reevaluate our own culture and make changes if we find something wrong. For example in case of Marathi culture we celebrate तुळशीचे लग्न. I had written following thoughts just last year.

नव्या दृष्टीकोनातून तुळशीचे लग्न

तुळशी लग्नाची कथा

प्राचीन काळात जालंधर नावाचा राक्षस चारीकडे खूप उत्पात करत होता. राक्षस वीर आणि पराक्रमी होता. त्याच्या साहस असल्यामागे कारण होते त्याच्या पत्नी वृंदा हिचे पतिव्रता धर्म. तिच्या प्रभावामुळे तो सर्वव्यापी होता. परंतू जालंधराच्या या उपद्रवामुळे त्रस्त देवगण प्रभू विष्णूंकडे आले आणि संरक्षणासाठी याचना करू लागले. त्यांची प्रार्थना ऐकून विष्णूने वृंदा हिचे पतिव्रता धर्म भंग करण्याचा निश्चय केला. इकडे वृंदाचे सतीत्व नष्ट झाल्यामुळे देवतांशी युद्ध करत असताना जालंधरचा मृत्यू झाला. वृंदाला ही गोष्ट लक्षात आल्याक्षणी तिने क्रोधित होऊन प्रभू विष्णूंना श्राप दिला की ज्या प्रकारे छळ करून तुम्ही मला पती वियोग दिला आहे त्याचप्रमाणे तुमच्याही पत्नीचा छळपूर्वक हरण होऊन स्त्री वियोग सहन करण्यासाठी तुम्हाला मृत्यू लोकात जन्म घ्यावा लागेल. असे म्हणत वृंदा पतीसोबत सती गेली. ज्या जागी ती सती गेली त्या जागी तुळशीचे झाडं उत्पन्न झाले.

एका इतर प्रसंगाप्रमाणे वृंदाने रागात विष्णूंना श्राप दिला की माझे सतीत्व भंग केल्यामुळे तुम्ही दगड व्हाल. त्या दगडाला शालिग्राम म्हणतात. तेव्हा विष्णू म्हणाले की हे वृंदा तुझ्या सतीत्वाचे फल म्हणून तू तुळस बनून माझ्यासोबत राहशील. माझ्यासोबत तुझा विवाह लवणाऱ्यांना पुण्य लाभेल. तेव्हापासून तुळसविना शालिग्राम किंवा विष्णूंची पूजा अपुरी मानली जाते. शालिग्राम आणि तुळशीचा विवाह प्रभू विष्णू आणि महालक्ष्मीच्या विवाहाचे प्रतिकात्मक विवाह आहे.

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कपटी मार्गाने परस्त्रीचे सतीत्व हिरावून, तिच्या पतीच्या हत्येस कारणीभूत ठरलेल्या देवाला आपला हिंदू धर्म पूजतो. त्याला श्रेष्ठ मानतो. ज्या तुळशीने शाप देऊन पती सोबत सती जाण्याचा निर्णय घेतला त्या तुळशीचे लग्न आपण दर वर्षी तिच्या गुन्हेगारासोबत अगदी थाटात लावून देतो. रुढी-परंपरा, बुरसटलेले विचार, धार्मिक दृष्टिकोन बाजूला ठेवून या सणाचा विचार केला पाहिजे. तुमच्या मध्ये असलेल्या तुळशीला विचारून बघा असा विवाह तिला मान्य असेल का?
मुळात आपला देव अत्याचार करू शकतो ही संकल्पनाच मान्य नसणारा डोळे, कान आणि सारासार विचार बंद केलेला असा हा आपला समाज आहे.
“परस्त्री माते समान” ही शिकवण देताना हा सण साजरा करणं या मध्ये दांभिकता नाही आहे का?
आपल्या समाजाने आत्मनिरीक्षण करण्या पेक्षा मेंदू न वापरता रुढी जपण्याचा धडा दिला आहे. त्याला “संस्कार” असं नाव सुद्धा दिलं आहे. हे आपण जाणून बुजून केलेलं आहे.
ज्या दिवशी तुळशी वर झालेल्या अत्याचाराचा आणि तिच्या हत्येचा शोक केला पाहिजे त्याच दिवशी आपण तिचे “लग्न” लावून देतो. मग स्त्रीचे पंख कापून टाकणारे आणि त्यात वावगं न वाटणारे पुरुष आपणच जन्माला घातले नाही का? विचार करण्या सारखी गोष्ट आहे…

Abolishing such practices that promote gender bias is so essential. There is nothing wrong in changing the practices or the stories from our culture. It is nothing but evolving for better future.

Even when you look at Hindu wedding rituals there are number of unfair practices. Kanyaa Daan (giving away of the bride) being one of them. It is completely redundant and anachronistic and should be abandoned. Interestingly many of the Dharma Sūtras do not mention it and it was popularized by the Puranas. Another practice is Laja Homa, puffed rice is offered into the fire by the bride while her hands are supported by her husband. The puffed rice is given to her by her brother. The point of the ceremony is that the brother is being nominated as the bride’s protector in case of domestic violence or any other marital mishap which may occur. The problem is not just with the practices but with people who don’t find them odd or disturbing.

Even the mantras in Saptapadi are interesting. Following being one of them.

i̱mām tvam i̍ndra mīḍavas-supu̱trāguṁ su̱bhagā̎ṃ kuru |daśā̎syām pu̱trām ādhe̍hi̱ pati̍m ekā̱daśa̍ṃ kṛ̍dhiḥ |

“O Bounteous Indra, make this bride blessed in her fortune and her children, confer upon her ten children, and may her husband always be treated like the youngest child!”

So we are declaring basically that this man child will never grow? Then these hysterical virtues of a good wife from Niti Saar.

कार्येशु दासी, works like a servant

करणेशु मंत्री, advises like a minister

भोजेशु माता, feeds like a mother

शयनेशु रम्भा, Pleases in bed like the heavenly angel Rambha

रूपेशु लक्ष्मी, Beautiful like Goddess Lakshmi

क्षम्येशु धरित्री, Having patience like Earth

षत धर्म-युक्त, woman who has this six virtues

कुल धर्म पत्नी. good housewife (a married woman who is not employed outside the home)

There are no virtues of a good husband by the way.

Being a language person I find a huge gender bias in languages as well.

“मुली सारखं काय रे रडतोस?” -> Common in English and most other languages. “Cries like a girl”

“बांगड्या भरल्या आहेत का?” -> I would say भरून बघाच, सोपी गोष्ट नाही आहे.

In English we have,

“What a pussy.”

“That takes balls.”

In Chinese, women over 30 are called “left over women”, men over 30 are called “diamond bachelor.”

Even though we have been progressing slowly and leading towards equality we still have a very long way to go. Even powerful women face many hurdles.

A question asked to New Zealand’s prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, to justify why she was meeting with Finland’s leader, Sanna Marin. The reporter asked, “just because you’re similar in age and, you know, got a lot of common stuff?”

Ardern, 42, responded with a rhetorical statement, wondering “whether or not anyone ever asked Barack Obama and [former New Zealand Prime Minister] John Key if they met because they were of similar age.” Marin, who is 37, addressed the question simply by saying, “we’re meeting because we are both prime ministers.”

The question animated discussions regarding women in politics and how the two female heads of government are treated differently when compared to their male counterparts.

For the future generations to come we need to give a serious thought everyday to change this situation. We need to be careful and vigilant. We need to remind ourselves that it has been centuries of injustice and celebrating one day is just promoting the idea. In order to grow we have to follow through every single day of the entire year.